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Holiday Brain Damage


Y'all, I think I have brain damage. I don't know when it happened, but it must have. 

Let me tell you about it. 

I began my Christmas shopping early this year, and I was so proud! I ordered several gifts from Shutterfly this year, and many of those were some of my earliest purchases. 

Last week I began going back through my list to see if I had forgotten anyone, and what still needed to be wrapped. 

"Hey, where is that gift for XXXX?" I thought. "Did it ever come?"

I went straight to the computer, pulled up my account information and saw Delivered next to that order number. 

"What? Where is it?"

I looked in all of my closets, hide-e-holes and random places. I had no memory of receiving that gift. 

I waited until Chris came home to question him. He's been known to put things away....I'm just saying. 

He said he had not picked up a box, nor had he moved one around the house. 

So I checked the UPS tracking number. Delivered to porch, it said. 


I spent another day searching for the package, and even asked my neighbor if it got dropped off at her house by mistake. 

With no luck, I finally decided to file a missing package claim with UPS.

I received a fast response saying they had begun an investigation into the missing package, and they would contact the originally sender--Shutterfly. 

The next day I received a phone call from UPS. It was a real live person. He was very nice, and asked me some questions about the missing package. He said they would take care of altering the sender, and any follow-up I had could be taken care of by contacting Shutterfly.

That call was Saturday. 

Monday morning I got an email from Shutterfly saying they were so sorry to hear I did not receive my order, and that they were re-producing it and sending it with expedited shipping at no cost to me.

These people are amazing!!

My worries were over. 

Monday, I received another package from UPS, unrelated to this incident. The UPS man asked if I had any luck with my missing package. His computer pad said it was still under investigation. I told him Shutterfly was sending a new one, and I was very happy. 

Tuesday night I wrapped the remaining presents, and placed them under my tree. As I was moving packages around to make room, I saw a package that I didn't recognize. 

I turned it over and read the label, which was in my handwriting, "To RECEIVER OF THE PRESENT THAT I THOUGHT WAS LOST"

uh oh. 

My lost package, the one that UPS was investigating and the one that Shutterfly was reproducing was UNDER MY CHRISTMAS TREE. Wrapped, no less, with my handwriting on it. 

{{{enter brain damaged moment}}}

I sat there staring at the package as if it were an alien. How had I forgotten all about it? I tried to remember holding the items inside and inspecting them, as I must have done when I received it, but I couldn't remember!

I confessed to Chris that night that I must be losing my mind. 

Yesterday, the UPS man came back to my house to deliver another package unrelated to the missing one, and he asked again about the missing package. He said his computer-sign here-thing said the package was still under investigation. Then he explained that "being under investigation" meant UPS was running reports on all the packages delivered in my neighborhood that night by my very nice UPS man. If they found more than one missing package, they would assume it was a thief. BUT, he said, there were no other packages missing from the night. uh oh. Then he said that he had been to my neighbors and to homes with similar house numbers to see if he had misplaced it. 

The guilt sets in. 

THEN he said that if UPS determines, through their investigation, that my package was the only one missing/stolen, UPS has the power to flag my house as a target for thief. uh oh. IF my house was tagged, it would mean I would have to sign for EVERY package UPS delivers to our address FOREVER. 


I wanted to hit my knees and beg for his forgiveness, and promise under oath that it was a mistake, and that I was just brain damaged.  

Instead, I stood in the cold, nodded and said, "Interesting." 

He said he would let me know how the investigation goes, and happily left my front porch. 

Seriously, I shrunk about 5 feet with guilt when I went back inside. 

How had I managed to make all these people work overtime, and do things like "investigate" and "expedite" on accident??

I called Chris to report that my brain damage had set off all these consequences, and that we were about to be black balled by UPS FOREVER. Not to forget, Shutterfly was sending me more merchandise FOR FREE. 

Darn the guilt!

I headed straight for my computer and started shooting off emails. 
First to UPS: "I need to cancel this lost package claim. It has been recovered. I'm so sorry for this, and truly appreciate your helpful customer service."

Then to Shutterfly: "I filed a lost package report with UPS regarding a shipment from you. I have since canceled that claim because the original package has been recovered. Your customer service has been so wonderful, and you are in the process of re-producing my order. I'm happy to still accept this second order, as I assume it's too late to stop production. If there are any fees associated with this updated situation, I'm happy to pay them. This was a mistake on my part, and both Shutterfly and UPS have been wonderful to resolve this issue."

Can you feel the guilt?

After confessing my sins, I slept okay, knowing that I had come clean and confessed to my accidental lies. 

And, guess what? 

This morning I received a personal phone call from UPS, from a live person, saying how excited she was that I found my package and how much she appreciated me letting them know. 


Then, an email from Shutterfly:
"Due to the highly-automated nature of our system, it is impossible to change or cancel an order once it is placed. Please keep the second order as gift from Shutterfly."


These people are wonderful!

I still have some guilt for causing so much trouble, but I feel a ton better that I came clean. 

Even if it confirmed I have brain damage.